


to undo what has been done

by blackmarketblood



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-31
Updated: 2013-05-31
Packaged: 2017-12-13 14:00:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackmarketblood/pseuds/blackmarketblood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He didn’t have any strength left to fight anymore, all he had was tiredness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	to undo what has been done

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fic I wrote after five years and the first one I ever wrote in English so I apologize for any mistakes. Comments and criticism are very welcome. 
> 
> written for Eda ♡

Eren looked up to him, he knew that much. The way he looked at him – it wasn’t desire, lust or, as if he dared to hope, love. Eren admired Rivaille, admired him for his bravery, strength and skill in battle.

The truth was it was all an act and Rivaille wasn’t brave, not really. He wasn’t even strong, not for a while at least. Eren might have thought of him as the strongest soldier in the Scounting Legion, but the truth was just the opposite. He didn’t have any strength left to fight anymore, all he had was tiredness; tiredness of endless fight that human race was losing and no matter how great a fighter he was there was nothing he could do. He couldn’t even save his own subordinates, for Christ’s sake, how was he supposed to help save all of humanity?

Once, he was able to fight all those depressing thoughts and pain of losing his colleagues, push them to the back of his mind. But that was back in the time when he still had resolve to fight, when he still believed the humanity stood a chance.

He didn’t think that anymore.

Eren caught him in one of these gloomy moods last month. He had just lost four of his subordinates – no, _friends_ – in a maneuver and the loss hang over him like a dark, heavy cloud. As military officer he knew their lives were not lost in vain, but he was a human being as well – and he couldn’t do else but weep for them, for their young lives lost, forever. He was lost in his thoughts, remembering his comrades – their bravery and dedication to the cause and felt deeply ashamed. Not only for surviving for so long (what was so special about him?) but for living for so long and through so much that he lost all hope.

„Corporal?“

Eren’s voice startled him so he did not have enough time to collect himself. It was only when he turned his head to face Eren, he felt the wetness on his cheeks.

Eren’s eyes widened and he tried to look everywhere but at Rivaille’s face. „I... I’m sorry, I’ll... go n–“ he stuttered, his embarrasment now visible even on his cheeks which burned with bright red. Rivaille could see that much even in pale moonlight.

„Please,“ said Rivaille before he could stop himself. „Don’t, don’t go.“ Eren might look up to him all he liked, but Rivaille would be lying if he said he hasn’t admired Eren as well – for his resolve and dedication, surely, but it was his hopefullness he treasured above all. He knew that being in Eren’s company wouldn’t make him any more hopeful, any less tired, but it could make him forget and there was nothing he wished for more.

He saw Eren hesistate and look at him with concern. But he stayed.

 _What was I even thinking?_ Rivaille knew he should let the boy go on his way (what was he even doing out at this time of night?) and pretend none of this ever happened. Quickly, he wiped the tears from his eyes and looked at Eren. He stood there, under the trees in a forest next to their camp, nervously looking around as if unsure what he should do. But he stayed, unable to oppose his superior officer.

Rivaille swallowed and stepped closer to Eren. He was painfully aware of how much younger Eren was, that what he was about to do was wrong, so, so wrong, yet he couldn’t stop himself from leaning in and grabing the boy’s collar. He knew he shouldn’t have; he shouldn’t have given in to his desires so easily, but he was so tired for so long, he couldn’t fight it anymore so he just gave in and pulled Eren closer to kiss him. And it felt right and it felt good, so, so good as only things that are wrong can.


End file.
